


i am so tired of the status quo
of the idea that our governments
are actually benevolent
of the reality that only hot air
gets tossed around
when looking at the inequality
that is built into this capitalist dream
when are we going to wake the fuck up
and challenge the lies that are being perpetrated
the lies that are so much the basis for
our culture of make believe
the fact that we even need to debate
the distribution of wealth
the equalization of life
i find profoundly absurd
maybe now is the time to
monkey wrench the system
instead of passively watching it flail
while taking the rest of us out with it






now to bring this to my daily awareness.

what is the weight of past experience?
disconnect
uncertainty
anxiety
depression
abuse
apathy
criminality
pain
frustration
anger
hurt
isolation
dispair
distrust
fear
abandonment
suicide
paranoia
low self-esteem
pessimism
what is the answer to the weight?
patience
perseverance
focus
desire
optimism
love
joy
belief
balance
how do we lose the weight?
one moment
one breath
at a
time

stepping into,
that which is difficult, that which is frightening,
that which is neither comfortable nor easy
has to be done
or we sit and shrivel up
and die of stagnation,
boredom or cancer
am i practicing what i preach?
somewhat,
sometimes,
some of me.
do i feel fit to point others in the direction
i know intrinsically we all need to take?
yes i do.
for knowing,
for showing,
for telling,
can be done, even if one isn’t
fully living what they know.
i find myself tired so much of the time.
tired of these old voices,
tired of these old beliefs,
about self,
about others
about the way things are
yet don’t need to be
all i offer up to the world is a knowing
a certain hard won wisdom
that this can and will change
that this is moving is the direction
of my most optimistic moments
of my most inclusive ideals
of my most wildest dreams
this is what keeps me here,
this is what keeps me keeping going
and not simply falling into an abyss
of my own creation
of my own destruction
i am life
i am love
i am i am

watching someone i know slip and fall into a place that i so easily could have ended up
does make me appreciate so much more what i have and risk losing
by not keeping a focus on moving beyond the pain
that this reality has thrown into my path
but we owe it to ourselves
to do what we can
to heal
despite the fear
despite the built in desire
to perpetuate that which was imposed
upon us by others and which we certainly had a choice
to bring into this reality as a way in which to recognize and own
our own divinity by accepting the truth of who we are and working damn hard
to breath that in in every moment of our existence no matter where we find ourselves in the moment
chris- i send you both peace and love
and a strong desire that you do not lose sight of all that you are and have become despite where you find yourself today.






















