a rip
a tear
and a reconstruction
i could feel you again
at the end of my fingertips
and i didn’t want to let go
the sensual being
i found there
a wanting
that matched my own
this built for several days
but then some family
but then some wine
an opening of your wounds
and i felt that you disappeared
again
and i’m left confused
childlike and wanting
what
was
only
just
there
i lose myself
as i teeter
unbalanced on a thin strand
of emotion
over a deep ocean
of old wounding
i am now
uncertain
i am now
in fear
that what i thought was there
is gone
or never was
or never will return
and all those
missed connections from the past
all that trying to be seen
trying not to be seen
feels more real
than the you that i
know in my heart
and i could throw some shade
and i could blame you for not showing up
as i want you to
as i have believed
i need you to
or i can look at this
moment and see its impermanence
and see my own
desire to cling to
what i believe
i want to be there
instead of what is there
i can judge it
i can feel left out
and abandoned
but has that ever served me?
ever,
ever,
or ever,
actually never
so i will reach out
to you again
and accept the you in this moment
that i reach
and bring you back into my heart
to let go of the fear
and let go of the dysfunctional beliefs
that block my ability
to form true connection
this will allow
me to heal
to move outside the
wounds i have clung to
to move beyond
the story i have allowed
to define me
and effect the dance
that we do
Everything is Nothing but Everything 